Northstar... isn't that a hockey team?

On Saturday, we traveled to Minneapolis and the Mall of America with our two oldest children, Zoe who is four, and Anja, who is two. To plan the trip we used the Metro Transit website to access the schedules of the trains we would be using.

This is starting out pretty crappy.

I'm changing the format.

From here on out I will be writing this blog, as well as subsequent blogs, in a story like format since it's my blog and I can do as I wish with it, provided I get the proper information in there somewhere. In my opinion, not only will they be more fun to write, but they'll be far more entertaining to read as well. Who the hell wants to read something that just states facts and observations anyways? If I wanted to read crap like that I would ask all of my classmates for copies of their term papers so I had something to read in my spare time. In case you were wondering, no I don't want to read your papers.

I hope that's okay Dr.Kittock.

Anyways, let's get on with it...

It was a blisteringly cold day. The thermometer hadn't risen above -15 for more than 24 hrs. My mission for the day was to get myself, my wife, and two of my daughters, to Coon Rapids to take my first train ride in about ten years. I've ridden the subway and other commuter trains before, but in St.Louis, not here. Neither of my girls had ridden a train before, so I knew they'd really enjoy it.

  We arrived at the train station in Coon Rapids about 15 min before our train was to arrive. It's a good thing we did too, because the pass thing is set up so it's intentionally confusing. We figured out after we were already on the train that we only actually paid for one fare, but the conductor didn't seem to mind and was very helpful in understanding everything. The stations themselves aren't heated and only offer a little shelter from the wind. I suppose there technically is heat emanating from the tiny 1'x2' heater on the ceiling, but at these temperatures I might as well have been holding a bic lighter for warmth.

  The train was actually quite nice. It was comfortable, roomy and most importantly, heated to room temperature. There are a few stops before the Target Field station, but the trip only took about 20 minutes or so.

We arrived in Minneapolis at about 11:00 am. If you don't already know this, Minneapolis is a bustling metropolis, full of business, excitement and interesting people. Unless you're there on a Saturday morning during the non-sports season. If that's the case, and its so cold out spilled coffee turns to ice before it hits the ground, you'll find it to be a pretty desolate place. I've been to Minneapolis thousands of times, but I've never seen it so deserted.

  Our next mission was to map the skyways for a while and walk to another platform where we could catch the light rail to the Mall of America. So we headed upstairs at the North Star station to street level and walked to the Garage B transit ramp, in which is the entrance to the fabled skyway system.

  We decided to leave the stroller at home so it wouldn't be cumbersome on the trains. This was a bad idea. I ended up carrying our two year old daughter almost from the moment we entered the skyway, and anyone that has kids knows they get really heavy after about 15 min. Heavy enough that I actually admonished myself for a moment for not putting my two year old on a calorie controlled diet. Now, anyone that has traveled to this desolate place and lived to tell the tale will tell you the most important thing is to find a map and track your whereabouts. If you fail to do this, especially on a Saturday when most of the buildings are closed, you will get lost and die of starvation or simply go insane. So the first order of business was to find a map, just as soon as we got the potty training two year old to a bathroom which is an adventure in itself.

  We were at the north end of the skyway system. Our destination was just south of Nicollet Mall on 5th St., at the station where we would catch the light rail to the mall. The journey would be an arduous one. The first obstacle was the fact that many of the buildings were closed because it was the weekend. There were a few restaurants open, but we didn't see many signs of life until we got close to Nicollet mall. There were plenty of places to spend ridiculous amounts of money on things that I didn't need, but I knew if I bought anything I'd have to carry it around for the remainder of the day so I refrained.

  Here is where the journey gets interesting. After we left Gavedale commons, we headed in the general direction of the station. It seemed the farther away we got from the shopping area the more desolate the places became. The hallways got darker and the storefronts emptier. I began to feel like we were in some sort of post apocalyptic movie. One of the ones where 99% of the population is killed off in some sort of cataclysm and those that managed to survive must fend for themselves and search for other survivors in an attempt to rebuild society.

  Every hallway was a test of my navigational skills. The shadowy corridors continuously mocked me with signs that read EXIT only to dash my hopes with another sign or a locked door.

It's somewhat hard to see the streets from most of the skyway and the maps are few and far between. At one point in time, we were in a darkened building and didn't see another person for more than ten minutes. I could swear I heard the bellowing of the minotaur somewhere off in the distance.

  We needed to get out of here, if not because there was a mythical beast hot on our trail, because it was hot, stuffy, and we'd been wandering around for over an hour and the kids were getting hungry. We finally escaped through the locked main door of a building with the help of a security guard and found we were just a block from the train platform we needed to be at. It was then, with fresh are again filling our lungs, that we knew we had finally made our escape from the labyrinth. Sure, it was ten below zero outside, but the trains come every ten minutes or so, so we weren't outside long before a train arrived to take us to the mall.

  The train to the mall stops about every two minutes, but the ride only took about 30 min to the mall.

  Once we entered the mall, I felt like I had just jumped from the nightmare of the labyrinth and into the hormone induced dream of a 15 year old boy. I was wading in a sea of people, many of which were wearing too much makeup, too much perfume, and speaking a language that was only vaguely English. Everywhere I looked there were teenage girls, and many of them were dressed in cheerleader outfits. Apparently there was some sort of cheer tournament at the mall that day that I wasn't aware of. The nice part, if there is one, of being in a mall filled with high school girls, is that I was a good foot taller than almost everybody there which made seeing through the crowd a non issue since I could just see over everyone's heads. That, and all the stores that I liked were relatively empty. Good thing I wasn't searching for a new Abercrombie sweatshirt, or I would've been screwed.

  We ate at a newer place in the mall, the Cadillac Ranch restaurant. I had a caesar salad and a bison burger, it was delicious and not outrageously expensive. I'd recommend it to anyone that wants classic American fare that is well prepared, a little different, and very tasty.

  We shopped a little, took the kids on a ride on the carousel and it was time to catch the train back to Minneapolis.

  The clientele on the train back was louder, pushier and more obnoxious. At one point in time, a guy had music blaring from his phone as if he was performing a public service by sharing it with the rest of the passengers. The only problem was, the music sucked. If there's one thing I can't stand its rude, loud people, and that's exactly what the train was full of till we got off at the Target Field station. The train back to Coon Rapids was pretty quiet, we sat upstairs for the ride back, and it was a nice change from the hustle and bustle of the mall and the light rail.

  I'd ride the North Star on the way to a Twins game for sure, but I don't think I'll be taking the light rail through South Minneapolis or wandering the skyways on a Saturday again. I like Minneapolis, especially the nightlife, but St. Paul is a much more laid back city in my opinion and it suits me much better.

  Anyways, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.